The following entry is actually from Dec 29th:

It's incredible. I've been gone so long, I just don't know what to say anymore. It's been hectic for me the past few weeks, working until 1am or later at UPS, and then getting up at 6am for my other job. Which I FINALLY got the promotion at. And so now I'm working later THERE too.

I still haven't gone to see Return of the King and I don't know if I will. On the few times I haven't been bogged down with either work or housework or Christmas stuff, I haven't really felt in the mood to do much of anything. I actually surprised myself by coming online at all. Mom has been having such trouble with it, trying to pay her bills... I almost didn't bother. But here I am... feel free to take your potshots at me for my absence.

Thank you to those of you who left me guestbook entries, notes, etc. in my "time out". I'm actually surprised that people still show up for my shit (sorry about the language). I'm at a crossroads, where part of me just wants to pack up and leave. Part of me wants to see what life will throw at me next. Part of me wants to burn all my bridges behind me, to make sure that I never return. Part of me wants to... I don't know anymore.

I blame myself for my predicament. Which is good, because others blame me too. Please, I don't want any sympathy, I don't want pity. I just want to speak my mind without it being analyzed, over-analyzed, and commented upon. Maybe I shouldn't be writing here if that's what I want. But it's hard to give this place up sometimes. Still, after reading some things...

Life goes on. It always does.

I'm not sure what I've written about here as of late, and I don't really care if I repeat it or not, so I apologize if this repeats anything I've said. No wait, I don't apologize. Deal with it.

I guess I'll start with Christmas and work my way back. I'm going to try to get to my list from last year, so I can cut and paste the table. Note that this is not a complete list, because I have been informed that I still have presents coming, that are just late. Not a problem... Hmmm, it seems that my internet is not going to be cooperative, yet again. Mom seriously wants to just be done with it and go back to dialup. I don't know. There are good things and bad things about going back.

I've done a little bit of baking this past week. My second and third apple crumb pies just came out of the oven. The first one turned out great, and the second one is going to work with me tonight... kind of a belated birthday/Christmas gift to those who gave to me.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous, so I guess I'll just list everything. For my birthday I got a lamp, cookies, Trivial Pursuit DVD, a book, a watch, apple cinnamon jelly (long story), the ticket to Miss Saigon of course, dinner, a candle, cash, and gift certificate. For Christmas I got Christmas towels, picture frames, mind puzzles (the ones with pieces of metal twisted around each other, that you have to take apart), Payday (board game), tickets to Chicago the musical, more cash and gift certificates, DVDs, books, clothes, a Syracuse University baseball cap and book, Bill Cosby tickets, ornaments (two snowmen and a penguin), tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar, an electronic dartboard, a roadside emergency car kit, and a Scrabble 365-day calendar. And of course I got greeting cards. Thank you to all.

Okay, I saw a few new games I want to get, and I'm sure I'll buy them. Eventually. LOTR Monopoly, LOTR Trivial Pursuit, and Disney Monopoly. Just more for my collection. I also saw this nice set of watercolor pencils which I'll have to pick up.

There's a few news clips from a while back that caught my attention. I'm FINALLY going to write about them. First, a woman's hair caught on fire at a gas station. Apparently the fumes were ignited from static electricity. So people, those signs at gas pumps are REAL and not to be taken lightly. Touch your car when getting out (the metal, stupid :P ) to discharge the electricity inherant in your body. Next story, a tree fell on a jogger. No one knew about it at first, and I can't remember how long it took them to find the person. So watch out for falling trees. :P

Steve won't listen to me. When I worked with him, we were working at a house. The east property line was at a bearing of northwest. But because it was in the northeast corner of the property, he changed the bearing to northeast. And when I tried to explain it to him, he didn't want to listen. Even when nothing would come out right. We were called away from that job, and when we came back everything seemed to be right. So he figured it out SOMEHOW. But I'm glad I have my own crew now.

And now another Earl Pitts moment. I'm guessing that something about this was in the news, or else they wouldn't be making fun of it. Apparently the ACLU wants to remove religion from the holiday season. So Earl writes a letter "supporting" the ACLU, stating that he would no longer be referring to the "C word", and his list of carols would now be limited to "Jingle Bells" and "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer"... YEAH RIGHT. There was more to it than that, and you had to hear it to get the full effect... But it was funny, trust me. It's not even realistic to remove the religion. So good luck on that one. Another radio note, I heard a cool old song from the Oak Ridge Boys (who brought us the classic country song "Elvira"). It's called "Santa's Song".

There was something on the radio about the history of "X-mas". True or not, I don't know. But according to the radio, this came from a higher-up in the Catholic church (a cardinal, I believe). Back in Roman times, it was illegal to make any references to Christ. So to change it, they changed it to X, or Chi... the applicable Greek letter. Trivia or tall tale? You tell me...

Saw a sign while driving to work which interested me. The cross street was Orchid Rd, and the sign was in blue. The street I was on was Pine Island, which was in green. There was a dead end (or no outlet) sign beneath that in yellow, and of course the stop sign is red. Such things amuse me now...

One of the guys at work (UPS) was talking about his retirement. It's still quite a few years away for him, but thanks to the new union contract, it will be harder for him to retire. Under the old terms, he could retire at 53, with full benefits, due to his long service to the company (30 years). Now under the new terms, if he retires before 58, he gets next to nothing. Maybe $25 per month. And he has to pay for his benefits. Between 58 and 62, he gets reduced monetary amounts and he has to pay for his benefits. He has to wait until he is 62 for him to get the same benefits that he could have had NINE years earlier under the old contract. Makes you wonder what the hell the union is thinking. If it's really for the people in it, or merely for itself.

Another of the guys at UPS actually came up with this idea. With a friend of his. Really quite a good idea. It's incredible how much child support some men pay. Especially to women who don't need it as much. I heard a story about a guy paying nearly $2000 per month, for three kids. And the kids are coming to him because they need new clothes, shoes, etc. Where is all that money going? Another is paying over $500 per month for his 3 year old, which is going for his ex's Viper. Now where the HELL does a 3 year old fit in a Viper? So they came up with an idea. It works kind of like WIC. Kind of like a Bank of America for Child Support. The woman is issued a credit card/debit card which can only be accessed for basic necessities, or things for the children. Food, clothing, shelter, day care, presents, family vacations... all would be acceptable. But no more Vipers, no more drugs/alcohol, no more trips to the Caribbean for Mom. Not on the child support money, anyway. People get so down on deadbeat dads, that they pay no attention to the deadbeat moms who are abusing what the men are giving them.

Now thankfully, I don't have that problem. I trust Crystal to do what is right for the children, and take care of them. I have no issues with that, and I have no problems with paying my support. I may get behind at times, but I always pay, and she knows I will. We may not have a good rapport, but we understand each other to that extent. I'm glad for that. And my parents are right there helping out, while I can't be.

Well, it looks like this won't go up right now, so I guess it'll have to go up later. Time for work, gotta go. Later all.

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TODAY
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I don't know when/if I'll be back again. I've been so busy with work, usually getting home from surveying with just enough time to shower and head out to UPS, usually not even taking the time to eat. And the weekends... to tell you the truth, I don't know if I even WANT to get online anymore. There's really nothing left for me anymore. Everyone has moved on with their lives, and I'm just a memory. I'm not needed, not wanted, whatever... and I'm finding it hard to care anymore. If I'm supposed to be the one to make the first move to "fix everything"... I just don't know. If I do, nothing will ever be the same. Everyone has their new best friends/good friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/etc. I'm just "what was". Old news. Sure I miss everyone. And that's how it's going to be.

I've been so out of touch lately, I don't know how anyone's diary is doing anymore. I'll try to catch up where I can... but I'm not going to be staying online too long. Syracuse is doing fairly well, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Go Orange! The NFL is done for the year (Super Bowl is a joke), so it's on to basketball. The Lakers are having WAY to many injuries... But as long as everyone's healthy come playoff time, I know we'll do fine (Read: DOMINATE).

Thanks to everyone who has been filling out my surveys. I can actually check those from my phone, so I have been doing that when I get a minute. Too bad I can't check a lot from my phone... But anyway, I suppose it's time to get out of here. Until next time (whenever that is)...