"Fiddle dee dee, tomorrow is another day..."

Yup, tomorrow is another day, with its own problems. (**NOTE** It's the return of the rant.) But let's start at the beginning. I got to work at 8am, like I was supposed to. At around 8:30am, the big boss (Clint) got there. Steve was nowhere to be found. I got a call saying that Steve had to stop into the office to get his equipment, and then he would be up. So Clint and I started talking. And he offered me a position as a junior party chief. Not bad, to start... $11/hr for now, with a chance for more later. I also mentioned that I had worked with CAD back in college (albeit only a little), and he suggested that if I was interested, I could go to Bonita (on my time off???) and pick up the software for my computer. That way I could do pre-draws and drawings, and if approved, I would be paid $16 per drawing. Now if I could get that, I wouldn't have to worry about working two jobs. I might anyway, depending on the time frame, but it's definitely something to consider. He also asked me about college, and if I was going to go back. I guess he is looking for people to become registered surveyors (so he can sit back and relax as the owner, I guess?). An interesting thought. I just worry about the money issues. Clint left, and I waited for Steve. And waited. Finally he pulled in around 10am. I just hope that I get paid from 8am. If not, there may be some problems (specifically with me paying my bills).

Speaking of problems, I mentioned them earlier in this entry. More stress added to the table. Just when I had thought that I would have less stress. I had finally broke down and asked Sherry to borrow some money, to pay off my hospital bills. I was so uncomfortable with it, even though she has been offering for months. She even offered to pay off my credit card for me, at one point... Well, I screwed up. I hurt her, and I lost her. I wouldn't blame her for not sending me a dime. And so thanks to me, the stress is back. Oh yeah, and time to add to it. That "little" dent in my front fender, from the wheelbarrow? And then there's a little nick from a stone that got spit onto my rear driver's side door (probably from lawn crews while parked at the office). The estimate? Over $1000. I'm going to get other estimates, but this was from Mom's friend's son-in-law. I can't imagine too much better pricing anywhere else. But I'll check. Not like I have the money for it now anyway. Nor will I for a while. Hell, I may not have that much to spend for years... But point all fingers at me. I did it.

Yup, I really fucked up my chances for happiness this time. I let love slip away, because I was stupid. Well, let's be honest. I let my past get the best of me, and I doubted. Too many times in the past, I've had something to doubt. I guess I never will be able to completely have faith in anyone again. Too many times, too much pain... I put as much faith in Sherry as I could. But it wasn't enough. Because she gave to me completely... She jumped, I caught... but then I tripped and fell, and let go. I screwed up. Surprise surprise. And no matter what anyone says about "whodunit"... look no farther than me. I wasn't strong enough to hold everything together. And so it all fell apart on me. Again.

So all I have to say is welcome back to hell. I'll be your doormat tonight.

(P.S. Congrats to Andy and Kim for FINALLY getting around to getting engaged... took ya long enough! :P)

(P.P.S. Thank you "C" for the kind words in my guestbook. I appreciate them very much.)