Okay, things have just gotten worse. My family will NOT get off my case. My friend Andy took over payments of my car, effectively buying it from me. We were told that the loan would transfer over into his name, upon completion of all this paperwork. Well, it didn't. And so I cannot buy a car, because his car loan is still in my name. And my ex-girlfriend Crystal still has her car loan in my name. I understand that neither one of them are in the best of circumstances right now. Andy hurt his back, and will be going in for surgery sometime, for it. Crystal is getting kicked out of her parents' house, for some strange reason. (I don't know about it, because I'm not allowed to talk to her right now.) My mother talked to Crystal, and she won't be able to even consider a loan, until after she gets her tax money back this year. That means, that she won't be getting the car out of my name before February, anyway. And yet my mom is on my case every day, about Andy getting his car loan out of my name. They understand Crystal's circumstances, but not Andy's. Just because Crystal is the mother of their grandson, does that mean that she deserves more somehow than one of my best friends? If it was Greg, who has been my best friend since we were 9, would they have felt a little differently?

I don't know. But I'm sick of everything here. What I really want to do is move away... disappear... just up and vanish, not to be heard from for a long time, if ever again. Hell, it seemed to work for Mike on a short term basis... TWICE... Maybe I should ask him what his secret is. Because he seems to be doing okay.

I just really don't know what I want out of life anymore. Except that I'm sick of being under my parents' thumbs, and I can't afford to do anything about it. If I could, maybe I'd move to Buffalo, or Missouri, or Jacksonville... just so that I'm closer to my friends... the people who put up with so much shit from me, and yet are always there for me when I need them. Because I'm certainly not happy where I am, and although I can seem to find a little cheer in the world, from time to time, nothing is permanent, and nothing lasts.

But that's really the story of my life, isn't it? I'm the ever-depressed, deep, dark person, who is too emotional, too sensitive, and too nice to find happiness. If you want to feel a little of what I feel, here's my poetry pages. Enjoy.